Last night I watched television for the last time in my house amongst stacks of cardboard boxes. Joe has been in Denver since Friday after what sounded like a wonderful trek across the United States with my younger brother, Nathan. (Shout-out: Thanks Natey! You rock!)
Being in Cleveland feels weird now. Sort of like I don't belong anymore? All my stuff is getting put in a moving van as we speak. I've said goodbye to so many people already. We've been celebrating our last bout in Cleveland with too much food and booze for a long time at this point. So really what am I still doing here?
Well Nate is graduating for one thing and there is no way in hell I would miss my little bro graduating from college! I mean wow, what an accomplishment! But beyond that this time is sort of special to me. It will be the last time I will be alone (well Joe-less) with my mom and my little brother, Michael, like it was back in the day, just our little family unit (again shout-out to Natey, we miss you!) I would like to enjoy my family right up to the last second we are together, because why the hell not. I love these people. They have been through everything with me and I'm gonna miss them like crazy. So I am going to look at this continued limbo as a gift where I can go on Pizzazz dates with my Momma and do silly errands with my bro, like picking up corsages and buying fountain drinks at McDonalds before his (yes his) mani (for prom, lol).
I am finishing this blog post sitting at my mom's table after I have essentially moved back in with my mom for the very last time. I am feeling a little existential and maybe a little melancholy right now. So much is changing (I am moving to another state) and so much will still change even once I get there (I will start a new job eventually...I will get married...woah!) I just feel like I am existing right now on the cusp of life. It is one of those moments you hit and you know you will be vastly different on the other side. Like when you grow out of your first love, graduate from college, experience your first real job...get engaged. It just seems so epic you don't even know what you are feeling. Well anyway it is just too indescribable so I think I will spare you the gory details and leave you with a Ghandi quotation that I like.
“If I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” Ghandi
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