In less than three days I will be jetting off to Denver (Momma and the Itty Bitty Kitty Committee in tow) to be reunited with my man and to renew my love affair with the Mile High City. One thing I am leaving behind is a house. This house was really my first home away from home and it has been quite an interesting learning experience. Sorta like that time I got subpoenaed for not filing my first ever year of taxes (How was I supposed to know to pay taxes?!). There are a lot of things that go along with owning a house that people don't really come right out and say.
I wanted to share a few items that popped up whilst I owned my house. These items are in no particular order, only that they occurred to me this way.
1. City Citations: The city in which I live must be in need of money, because they like to cite you for things as often as possible. Whether it be for an unruly lawn, less than new siding, or an ugly roof...homeowner's beware! I have been cited for all of the above plus a few minor things I didn't really even understand. But the moral of the story is homes take work and upkeep and maintenance and work. The lawn needs be mowed on a regular basis. You can't let your siding go to shit (even though mine looked fine just old). You have to weed and water and weed and water and fertilize and water. And it is just plain annoying. I am ready to live in an apartment where all of these things are not going to be my problem!
2. Garbage Disposals: If you live in a house that was not built yesterday a garbage disposal is another name for a drain. Don't put things down them, it'll get clogged or the food will just sit in the bottom of your disposal and rot. This rotting food will begin to smell pretty rank (especially if it was old cat food or egg shells) and if you ever leave your windows open you will develop a bit of a fly problem.
3. Trash Day: There is a reason trash day comes every week, especially if it is the summer. You should always force yourself to take the garbage out. Food scraps do not do well in heat and will eventually spawn maggots and you'll have another cause for a fly problem. P.S. don't think flies will be stopped by closed windows either, flies don't like the heat as much as you don't and they will find a way to partake of your air conditioning bill.
4. Plumbing: If you live in a house that was tended by a bunch of faux, easy fix idiots than things will go wrong. You might have to run around the house naked trying to figure out how to stop water from the shower from gushing through your basement ceiling onto your TV and Joe's PlayStation. Or you might find one day that the cabinet under the sink is breeding mold because the cabinets and kitchen sink were installed wacky and water has been dripping into the cabinet every time you've used the sink (and I don't have a dishwasher).
5. HVAC Systems: Restaurants have these great HVAC systems that just like suck smoke and stuff up in them and make it really hard for the fire alarm to go off every time you fry a burger. Sadly most houses do not. The first time I cooked an entire meal for Joe was to entice him to put my book shelf together and to make him my momma's brussel sprouts. My momma's brussel sprouts take a considerable amount of stove time so they can get extra crispy and create a lot of tasty burnt bits. In my house those tasty burnt bits cause the fire alarm to go off every twelve seconds until you take the batteries out. This led to me removing all fire alarms from my home so I didn't have a heart attack every time I cooked. This leads me to number 6 after I tell you to always cook with the doors and windows open when you make something with tasty burnt bits.
6. Fire Alarms: Don't remove all the fire alarms from your home because if you live in my neighborhood where house fires seem to be normal you will want that ear bursting noise to wake you the hell up in case of a fire. And don't think I am exaggerating. This past summer there were four houses on my block that caught fire...one was my neighbor and one was three houses down and there has already been another few this spring.
7. Talking Like a Homeowner: You've heard it before...That momma scold the second you lower a frosty glass on the table and she yelps, "Use a coaster!" Well when you have a home you begin to realize why people do things like use coasters. When you use coasters your tables look like new thus your home looks a little more civilized, a little less fratty and you get a sense of pride from keeping up your house.
8. Clean the Kitty Litter Daily: I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I clean the litter daily, but I try to and I know I should, because guess what? Unclean litter translates to an unclean house. You know what I mean? I'm not going to explain this one, but seriously just clean the litter as often as possible so your home does not become an extension of the box. You know what else you should clean often? Your sheets! Or they become on allergen rag and that'll make your boyfriend snore.
I hope a few of these rang true with you or at least made you laugh. I am definitely looking forward to some of the perks of apartment living...gah can't wait to move in!
Peace out.
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