On Saying Goodbye

When you live in a city for 25 years you get attached to the place. Cleveland holds the history of my life; there are places I frequent, people I have become accustomed to seeing on a regular basis, my elementary school is here, my high school is here, my college, grad school and I just know where everything is. For awhile now I have slowly been bidding farewell to the people, places and things in Cleveland that fill my memories. I don't like saying goodbye, but come to think of it everyone says that. I don't think anyone likes goodbyes. There is something so finite and unknown about a goodbye. Like I might never see this person again or I don't know when I will be able to eat this pizza again I better scarf down five slices.

When Joe was still in town we tried to fit a lot of our Cleveland favorites into his last bit of free time. We went to Pizzazz and hood bar and ate too much salmon salad, drank too much and said adios to some bartenders that know our usuals and barely charge a dime. We dropped by La Fiesta and the Westside Market, rediscovering oldies, but goodies and gorged on guacamole and famed gyros. We finally visited my mom's office so she could show Joe off to her colleagues, whom she's been talking to about him for years. We went west to Joe's old hood for some last drinks with friends that are like family to Joe and I. Those were hard. These are the people we can only hope to find in Denver.

Joe's been gone for some time now, already on his third week of work and the goodbyes continue. Living at my mom's has been like a perma mom date and we have visited Pizzazz together more times than we should confess to. We have said farewell to many long time family friends, people that have been watching me grow into myself. People that treat me like their own children. People I will see at my wedding, but who knows after that. People I don't even know how to thank for the part they have played in my life, my family's life.

Mostly, from all of this, it has occurred to me the amount of things in life I have taken for granted. This sort of taken for grantedness is not wanton, but a sort of sneaky, silent taken for grantedness. In fact I don't really think in these moments of living you can thank people for the things they do for you, because at the time you don't know what they've done. I guess I just want to say that all of this farewelling has made me want to be more appreciative, considerate and in the moment.

As I get closer to my departure date, I am realizing more and more the person I would like to be in my new hometown and I only hope I can hold myself accountable to these thoughts that I've been sharing.

ttfn.