So we've all had our fair share of rejection these many years of living. Many of them are rite's of passage...cliquey friend groups, the young love that isn't shared, college rejection letters. You know the feeling, a hotness in your face, maybe a tightening of the throat, leaky eyeballs. Most of these rejections seem huge at the time, but looking back they were silly and probably for the better...who really needed to hang out with the mean girls anyways? Am I right?!
But as we grow, the rejection's we face evolve. They are either not new anymore like being rejected by a romantic interest (been there done that) or they are bigger rejections coming from something you have been calculating, cultivating. For example job rejection. You work to be your best professional, most charismatic, well worded version of yourself and you begin to dream of life post hire. How cushy the salary would be, all the great intellectual people you will meet, the fulfillment and productivity of it all. And before you know it the job you applied to has you hooked and you are ready to start and BOOM rejection in YO FACE!
But seriously I haven't had this sort of rejection in quite awhile. I mean things have been going pretty great lately. I've got a man for the ages, a family that has been supporting the hell outta me and this move just fell into place one thing after another. The only thing left is for me to find the job, well the career really. You know I didn't expect it to be easy. I have looked for jobs before it takes time, effort, sore eyes and resume re-writing. But what I didn't expect was for it to frazzle my mind, throw me for a loop and to frankly make me cry so much.
I think this go around I was expecting to land my dream job. My hopes were high, we moved across the country, so my job should be just as epic, akin to the rest of my life right now. But it feels like with each job I can get behind, it's like naw girl we don't want you. It makes me wonder about myself. I am not the most confident of people, but I know I am smart, have too much schooling and that I work hard and I thought I deserved these jobs, but maybe I'm not what I thought all along.
Don't take this post as a self-pity fest, that it is not. I still think I am smart I just wonder sometimes if the picture of myself is not what others really see and if there is something I can do to rectify that. I am going to keep trudging along at this job hunt business and be as hopeful as I can, because well I have to. But for now it has served as a weird source of self-reflection which I can both appreciate and be unnerved by.
ttfn.
Friday, June 14, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
A Period of Absence From It
Google defines homesickness as, "A longing for ones home during a period of absence from it."
When I studied abroad in Italy, for about 6 months during college, I was extremely homesick. Imagine me as an impressionable youth abroad, walking down the street and an Italian person bumps into me (which they tend to do with blatant disregard), I was so homesick, I would just rage after this person. I was convinced that if I were in America, the oaf that just bumped into me would have apologized profusely and I would have been fine. But in Italy they were out to get me and all kinds of ridiculous small things would set me off, like the internet cafe being closed at the most inconvenient of times.
But anyways when I moved to Denver I expected to feel a sort of all consuming homesickness, an angry homesickness like when I was abroad. I though I would long for anything and everything to be found in Cleveland. In reality I am experiencing a much different sort of homesickness than I have before. It feels more adult, I suppose, a little more rational, but none the less mournful and nostalgic.
Seemingly random and sporadic things make me feel homesick. Like watching someone walk a dog makes me miss the goofy pooches I left at home. Or hearing that a friend of mine is flying home to Ohio for a wedding, makes me damn jealous that I am not going to Ohio with her. Or finding that our new grocery store doesn't stock the famed Xochitl chips I'm used to eating in the old hood. This one really gets my panties in a bunch!
The most tangible thing I miss is my mom. I miss my mom more than I feel I should sometimes. I miss being able to drive to her house and be there a minute or two later and just waltz in. She'll be standing in the kitchen at the sink and turn around and say, "Oh, I thought you were Michael, hello dahling." Or she''ll be on her computer upstairs with Remi all up in her business and I can just settle into the house and she doesn't realize I am there until she walks downstairs for a drink er something.
Most days I feel great. Sort of in awe of my new city and the sheer pent up energy of being able to do and be anything I want. But sometimes that same newness and adventure I am in awe of feels overwhelming, like a water heavied cloud lurking above me and all I can do is wait for it to drown me out.
I hope not to sound dramatic about this because I am simply being honest. Moving to Denver has been a beautiful experiment. It feels wrong to be homesick here, in the way that being inside on a sunny day makes you feel guilty. However if you really think about it, being homesick isn't the worst thing. It means you are loved. It means there are lots of people (and pets) who care for you so much that you can't help but notice their lack of presence when they aren't there.
I would like to leave you all with a celebratory shout-out. When I decided to move, I never really considered all of the things I would miss out on. This weekend my cousin, Brett, is graduating from high school and I opted out of the 25 hour drive to Virginia (Lord knows why...), but I would like to wish him luck. Graduating from high school is a wonderful accomplishment and it is the beginning of the great odyssey that is adult life. I think a quote will explain better my sentiments here so everyone give it up for Steve Jobs!
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
I like that last bit, "Everything else is secondary." It is so truthful, but hard to abide by sometimes. Congratulations Brett! Enjoy this summer like it is the last one you will ever have. And come visit me in Denver!
ttfn and Happy Friday everyone!
When I studied abroad in Italy, for about 6 months during college, I was extremely homesick. Imagine me as an impressionable youth abroad, walking down the street and an Italian person bumps into me (which they tend to do with blatant disregard), I was so homesick, I would just rage after this person. I was convinced that if I were in America, the oaf that just bumped into me would have apologized profusely and I would have been fine. But in Italy they were out to get me and all kinds of ridiculous small things would set me off, like the internet cafe being closed at the most inconvenient of times.
But anyways when I moved to Denver I expected to feel a sort of all consuming homesickness, an angry homesickness like when I was abroad. I though I would long for anything and everything to be found in Cleveland. In reality I am experiencing a much different sort of homesickness than I have before. It feels more adult, I suppose, a little more rational, but none the less mournful and nostalgic.
Seemingly random and sporadic things make me feel homesick. Like watching someone walk a dog makes me miss the goofy pooches I left at home. Or hearing that a friend of mine is flying home to Ohio for a wedding, makes me damn jealous that I am not going to Ohio with her. Or finding that our new grocery store doesn't stock the famed Xochitl chips I'm used to eating in the old hood. This one really gets my panties in a bunch!
The most tangible thing I miss is my mom. I miss my mom more than I feel I should sometimes. I miss being able to drive to her house and be there a minute or two later and just waltz in. She'll be standing in the kitchen at the sink and turn around and say, "Oh, I thought you were Michael, hello dahling." Or she''ll be on her computer upstairs with Remi all up in her business and I can just settle into the house and she doesn't realize I am there until she walks downstairs for a drink er something.
Most days I feel great. Sort of in awe of my new city and the sheer pent up energy of being able to do and be anything I want. But sometimes that same newness and adventure I am in awe of feels overwhelming, like a water heavied cloud lurking above me and all I can do is wait for it to drown me out.
I hope not to sound dramatic about this because I am simply being honest. Moving to Denver has been a beautiful experiment. It feels wrong to be homesick here, in the way that being inside on a sunny day makes you feel guilty. However if you really think about it, being homesick isn't the worst thing. It means you are loved. It means there are lots of people (and pets) who care for you so much that you can't help but notice their lack of presence when they aren't there.
I would like to leave you all with a celebratory shout-out. When I decided to move, I never really considered all of the things I would miss out on. This weekend my cousin, Brett, is graduating from high school and I opted out of the 25 hour drive to Virginia (Lord knows why...), but I would like to wish him luck. Graduating from high school is a wonderful accomplishment and it is the beginning of the great odyssey that is adult life. I think a quote will explain better my sentiments here so everyone give it up for Steve Jobs!
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."
I like that last bit, "Everything else is secondary." It is so truthful, but hard to abide by sometimes. Congratulations Brett! Enjoy this summer like it is the last one you will ever have. And come visit me in Denver!
ttfn and Happy Friday everyone!
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Side of The Road Side Table and Other Denver Shenanigans
So today is my three week anniversary of arriving in Denver. Can you believe it has been that long? I still feel like I got here yesterday. I guess my apartment is beginning to feel like home, but some of that homey magic is missing. I am not sure where to find it though. When I do reach that intangible moment of apartment homeyness I will let ya'll know, but let's move on to Denver happenings.
Some of the more memorable things we have gotten into whilst we have been here...
1. The Memorial Day Bike Pub Crawl. This event is hosted by an increasingly good friend of ours, Brian (of the soon to be famous Brian and Meghan). It has been in existence a few years running and everyone gets dressed up for it in their red, white and blue best. I found some great flag print, peace sign sunglasses for Joe and an awesome Coloradical hat from Buffalo Exchange (a sweet consignment shop) and he fashioned his own jorts. As for myself I painted the back of a light blue denim vest with a faded flag and a huge, squawking Eagle head (I got a few compliments on it ;p). Between 60 and 80 people joined us for this Biking Pub Crawl and it was pretty epic. The best part was the musical bike trailer Brian created that had amps and boat batteries and really raised the roof! So to paint a picture of us imagine a very large bike gang, decked out in their American best, following a dude on a bike with a musical trailer wearing a cowboy hat taking over the streets and the paths in Washington Park. I mean seriously forget the part where we stopped at bars, the bike gang riding was where it was at.
2. Side of The Road Side Table. During a bike ride before we had to return the bikes we rented for the Memorial Day Bike Pub Crawl we were riding around Cheesman Park and passed an apartment with free stuff outside. One of those free items was a small chest/side table that was in legit condition and we needed (still need) side tables so we sniped it. It was kind of fun and I felt like the South Euclid pickers who used to take crap off my tree lawn. Yesterday I finished beautifying that side table and it is a now a very, very light aqua with some purposeful antiquing and it sits between a puffy couch ands its puffy chair counterpart.
3. City O' City. I have been to City O' City 5 times in the 3 weeks I have been to Denver. Two of those times were before my mom even left. That place is so dang yummy. Everything is vegetarian, but before you prejudge you would literally never know by just eating the food. The food is flavorful, filling and innovative. Seriously everyone that visits me in Denver is going to be forced to check out City O' City. My favorite dishes so far have been the savory waffles with a veggie ragu and cream sauce, the chillaquilles for breakfast drenched in the best black bean sauce ever and anything that you can get gravy or green chili sauce with because they rock!
4. Attivo Pizzeria and Wine Bar. Joe and I have also frequented this restaurant since it is also around the corner from us. They have a very personable if not slightly goofy bartender who makes funny interjections and generally makes the experience a pleasant one. They also always have the games Joe wants to watch on and their food is tasty, cheap and always satisfying.
5. Engagement Pictures. So our new wonderful couple friends Meghan and Brian not only invite us to all of their social events they actually seem to care about our lives and shit. Brian, who is apparently an amateur photog, offered to take some engagement pictures of us so we could get our save the dates put together and sent out. (Our previous engagement picture session in Cleveland got rained out. Imagine that...). I have yet to see the fruits of Brian's labors but we had fun bopping around Cheesman Park taking pictures and I think we got a couple good ones!
6. The Cherry Creek Farmer's Market with Alex. A very old (but also new) family friend of mine lives in Denver and we have had the chance to hang out a couple times now and she is as wonderful as the little girl I remember from back in the day. We stopped by the Cherry Creek Farmer's Market on the way to the Cherry Creek Mall and it was a very happy little market, filled with people (and their dogs) and I plan on going back there with Joe this coming weekend. I have also heard that Boulder has a pretty amazing farmer's market that I can't wait to hit up as well.
7. Vesper Lounge Quiz Night. Last night we went out for Mexican and on the walk home the rain pushed us into a bar. We have been to Vesper Lounge previously at a random time to get out of the heat while we were exploring. But last night was quiz night and we made friends with a couple of down home gents at the bar and while we didn't win we had another funny night chatting with some strangers one of which had a Chief Wahoo tattoo and he wasn't even from the CLE.
We have been pretty busy exploring the city and making friends and interviewing (me) as you can see. I can't really even begin to describe all that we have been up to. But I do have some things I am looking forward to.
1. Hiking. We still haven't had a chance to hike anywhere, though we did stop at the Garden of the Gods, which was beautiful. But Joe and I would really like to do a nice beginner hike soon and hopefully get into a sort of hiking routine, since it would be a waste not to.
2. Art. I haven't had a chance to get any art on the walls yet. But we have a lot and I would like to acquire some Etsy pieces soon. So hopefully in the next few weekends we will be able to hammer some nails into the wall and make this place a little more beautiful.
3. Restaurants. There are just so many amazing restaurants here. We haven't begun to scratch the surface. On Saturday we will be checking out the Vesta Dipping Grill. Which sounds like it has normal, schnazzy American food, steaks and what not, but their schtick is lot's of fun and funky dipping sauces to accompany your dishes.
I am going to apply to some more jobs now so I must get going. I will update soon though.
ttfn.
Some of the more memorable things we have gotten into whilst we have been here...
1. The Memorial Day Bike Pub Crawl. This event is hosted by an increasingly good friend of ours, Brian (of the soon to be famous Brian and Meghan). It has been in existence a few years running and everyone gets dressed up for it in their red, white and blue best. I found some great flag print, peace sign sunglasses for Joe and an awesome Coloradical hat from Buffalo Exchange (a sweet consignment shop) and he fashioned his own jorts. As for myself I painted the back of a light blue denim vest with a faded flag and a huge, squawking Eagle head (I got a few compliments on it ;p). Between 60 and 80 people joined us for this Biking Pub Crawl and it was pretty epic. The best part was the musical bike trailer Brian created that had amps and boat batteries and really raised the roof! So to paint a picture of us imagine a very large bike gang, decked out in their American best, following a dude on a bike with a musical trailer wearing a cowboy hat taking over the streets and the paths in Washington Park. I mean seriously forget the part where we stopped at bars, the bike gang riding was where it was at.
2. Side of The Road Side Table. During a bike ride before we had to return the bikes we rented for the Memorial Day Bike Pub Crawl we were riding around Cheesman Park and passed an apartment with free stuff outside. One of those free items was a small chest/side table that was in legit condition and we needed (still need) side tables so we sniped it. It was kind of fun and I felt like the South Euclid pickers who used to take crap off my tree lawn. Yesterday I finished beautifying that side table and it is a now a very, very light aqua with some purposeful antiquing and it sits between a puffy couch ands its puffy chair counterpart.
3. City O' City. I have been to City O' City 5 times in the 3 weeks I have been to Denver. Two of those times were before my mom even left. That place is so dang yummy. Everything is vegetarian, but before you prejudge you would literally never know by just eating the food. The food is flavorful, filling and innovative. Seriously everyone that visits me in Denver is going to be forced to check out City O' City. My favorite dishes so far have been the savory waffles with a veggie ragu and cream sauce, the chillaquilles for breakfast drenched in the best black bean sauce ever and anything that you can get gravy or green chili sauce with because they rock!
4. Attivo Pizzeria and Wine Bar. Joe and I have also frequented this restaurant since it is also around the corner from us. They have a very personable if not slightly goofy bartender who makes funny interjections and generally makes the experience a pleasant one. They also always have the games Joe wants to watch on and their food is tasty, cheap and always satisfying.
5. Engagement Pictures. So our new wonderful couple friends Meghan and Brian not only invite us to all of their social events they actually seem to care about our lives and shit. Brian, who is apparently an amateur photog, offered to take some engagement pictures of us so we could get our save the dates put together and sent out. (Our previous engagement picture session in Cleveland got rained out. Imagine that...). I have yet to see the fruits of Brian's labors but we had fun bopping around Cheesman Park taking pictures and I think we got a couple good ones!
6. The Cherry Creek Farmer's Market with Alex. A very old (but also new) family friend of mine lives in Denver and we have had the chance to hang out a couple times now and she is as wonderful as the little girl I remember from back in the day. We stopped by the Cherry Creek Farmer's Market on the way to the Cherry Creek Mall and it was a very happy little market, filled with people (and their dogs) and I plan on going back there with Joe this coming weekend. I have also heard that Boulder has a pretty amazing farmer's market that I can't wait to hit up as well.
7. Vesper Lounge Quiz Night. Last night we went out for Mexican and on the walk home the rain pushed us into a bar. We have been to Vesper Lounge previously at a random time to get out of the heat while we were exploring. But last night was quiz night and we made friends with a couple of down home gents at the bar and while we didn't win we had another funny night chatting with some strangers one of which had a Chief Wahoo tattoo and he wasn't even from the CLE.
We have been pretty busy exploring the city and making friends and interviewing (me) as you can see. I can't really even begin to describe all that we have been up to. But I do have some things I am looking forward to.
1. Hiking. We still haven't had a chance to hike anywhere, though we did stop at the Garden of the Gods, which was beautiful. But Joe and I would really like to do a nice beginner hike soon and hopefully get into a sort of hiking routine, since it would be a waste not to.
2. Art. I haven't had a chance to get any art on the walls yet. But we have a lot and I would like to acquire some Etsy pieces soon. So hopefully in the next few weekends we will be able to hammer some nails into the wall and make this place a little more beautiful.
3. Restaurants. There are just so many amazing restaurants here. We haven't begun to scratch the surface. On Saturday we will be checking out the Vesta Dipping Grill. Which sounds like it has normal, schnazzy American food, steaks and what not, but their schtick is lot's of fun and funky dipping sauces to accompany your dishes.
I am going to apply to some more jobs now so I must get going. I will update soon though.
ttfn.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
We're here because we're here because we're here because we're here....
Wednesday was a study in my patience. I had to wait all day for my momma to come home from work to begin our journey. I tried to treat it like any other day. Wake up, have breakfast (chunky apple pancakes), work out, shower, walk the dogs...but seriously I was pretty fidgety and anxious to get on our way. Around 3pm I grabbed the Itty Bitty Kitty Committee who were so far being awesome. I got them harnessed and in their cages without any hissing or pissiness.
Soon Mikey was home to drive us to the airport and the meowing commenced. Well actually Rafi commenced meowing scared, hollow MeOWWWwws. Olive sat quietly in her bag and dealt with the jerky car ride like a champ. Rafi's yelping was not a good sign of the trip ahead of us. I tried to calm him with a sing-songy baby-talk voice and petting him through the bag, but he was plain freaked out and could care less about my reassurring words, "It's okay, it's okay...".
By the time Michael dropped us off my nerves were frazzled, but the meowing finally seemed to slow down (not stop, slow down). Then came security. We got to use the priority lane and jump to the front of the line, thanks to some wonky ticket issues we had first class seats, but the fun stopped there.
I mentioned earlier that I harnessed my cats, well that is because you have to take them out of their bags and walk through the metal detector. I was dreading this moment. My cats don't really like strangers, so put them in an already stressful situation and throw a crowd in and I figured I was screwed. But Olive and mom debagged with relative ease. I on the other hand couldn't get Rafi out of his bag and had to pull him out by his harness while a TSA lady tugged the bag in the opposite direction. He clung to me like I was trying to chuck him into a roaring furnace.
After security I was pretty sweaty and shaky from the Rafi shenanigans, but we made it and it was all down hill from there. A nice stop at the airport Great Lakes Brewing Co. helped too. The airplane ride was smooth, filled with tasty snack boxes and some serious cat snuggling (As long as Rafi was being touched, he was quiet). We landed in Denver around 8:30pm and we reunited with Joe not too much later. The ride home was pleasant and picturesque, lit by the sprawling lights of my new home.
We ended our travel day with a quick jaunt to Attivo Pizzerio and Bar. Attivo is a really wonderful restaurant with a clean, open kitchen that smelled of yeasty goodness. We ordered hot subs and a calzone and were not dissapointed. The subs were huge and priced well. My eggplant parmesan sandwich was crusty, filled with some oozy provolone and a well-flavored tomato sauce. A full stomach was the perfect end to our long day and sent us home ready for bed.
ttfn.
Soon Mikey was home to drive us to the airport and the meowing commenced. Well actually Rafi commenced meowing scared, hollow MeOWWWwws. Olive sat quietly in her bag and dealt with the jerky car ride like a champ. Rafi's yelping was not a good sign of the trip ahead of us. I tried to calm him with a sing-songy baby-talk voice and petting him through the bag, but he was plain freaked out and could care less about my reassurring words, "It's okay, it's okay...".
By the time Michael dropped us off my nerves were frazzled, but the meowing finally seemed to slow down (not stop, slow down). Then came security. We got to use the priority lane and jump to the front of the line, thanks to some wonky ticket issues we had first class seats, but the fun stopped there.
I mentioned earlier that I harnessed my cats, well that is because you have to take them out of their bags and walk through the metal detector. I was dreading this moment. My cats don't really like strangers, so put them in an already stressful situation and throw a crowd in and I figured I was screwed. But Olive and mom debagged with relative ease. I on the other hand couldn't get Rafi out of his bag and had to pull him out by his harness while a TSA lady tugged the bag in the opposite direction. He clung to me like I was trying to chuck him into a roaring furnace.
After security I was pretty sweaty and shaky from the Rafi shenanigans, but we made it and it was all down hill from there. A nice stop at the airport Great Lakes Brewing Co. helped too. The airplane ride was smooth, filled with tasty snack boxes and some serious cat snuggling (As long as Rafi was being touched, he was quiet). We landed in Denver around 8:30pm and we reunited with Joe not too much later. The ride home was pleasant and picturesque, lit by the sprawling lights of my new home.
We ended our travel day with a quick jaunt to Attivo Pizzerio and Bar. Attivo is a really wonderful restaurant with a clean, open kitchen that smelled of yeasty goodness. We ordered hot subs and a calzone and were not dissapointed. The subs were huge and priced well. My eggplant parmesan sandwich was crusty, filled with some oozy provolone and a well-flavored tomato sauce. A full stomach was the perfect end to our long day and sent us home ready for bed.
ttfn.
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