A Period of Absence From It

Google defines homesickness as, "A longing for ones home during a period of absence from it."

When I studied abroad in Italy, for about 6 months during college, I was extremely homesick. Imagine me as an impressionable youth abroad, walking down the street and an Italian person bumps into me (which they tend to do with blatant disregard), I was so homesick, I would just rage after this person. I was convinced that if I were in America, the oaf that just bumped into me would have apologized profusely and I would have been fine. But in Italy they were out to get me and all kinds of ridiculous small things would set me off, like the internet cafe being closed at the most inconvenient of times.

But anyways when I moved to Denver I expected to feel a sort of all consuming homesickness, an angry homesickness like when I was abroad. I though I would long for anything and everything to be found in Cleveland. In reality I am experiencing a much different sort of homesickness than I have before. It feels more adult, I suppose, a little more rational, but none the less mournful and nostalgic.

Seemingly random and sporadic things make me feel homesick. Like watching someone walk a dog makes me miss the goofy pooches I left at home. Or hearing that a friend of mine is flying home to Ohio for a wedding, makes me damn jealous that I am not going to Ohio with her. Or finding that our new grocery store doesn't stock the famed Xochitl chips I'm used to eating in the old hood. This one really gets my panties in a bunch!

The most tangible thing I miss is my mom. I miss my mom more than I feel I should sometimes. I miss being able to drive to her house and be there a minute or two later and just waltz in. She'll be standing in the kitchen at the sink and turn around and say, "Oh, I thought you were Michael, hello dahling." Or she''ll be on her computer upstairs with Remi all up in her business and I can just settle into the house and she doesn't realize I am there until she walks downstairs for a drink er something.

Most days I feel great. Sort of in awe of my new city and the sheer pent up energy of being able to do and be anything I want. But sometimes that same newness and adventure I am in awe of feels overwhelming, like a water heavied cloud lurking above me and all I can do is wait for it to drown me out.

I  hope not to sound dramatic about this because I am simply being honest. Moving to Denver has been a beautiful experiment. It feels wrong to be homesick here, in the way that being inside on a sunny day makes you feel guilty. However if you really think about it, being homesick isn't the worst thing. It means you are loved. It means there are lots of people (and pets) who care for you so much that you can't help but notice their lack of presence when they aren't there.

I would like to leave you all with a celebratory shout-out. When I decided to move, I never really considered all of the things I would miss out on. This weekend my cousin, Brett, is graduating from high school and I opted out of the 25 hour drive to Virginia (Lord knows why...), but I would like to wish him luck. Graduating from high school is a wonderful accomplishment and it is the beginning of the great odyssey that is adult life. I think a quote will explain better my sentiments here so everyone give it up for Steve Jobs!

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

I like that last bit, "Everything else is secondary." It is so truthful, but hard to abide by sometimes. Congratulations Brett! Enjoy this summer like it is the last one you will ever have. And come visit me in Denver!

ttfn and Happy Friday everyone!